Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Papa

I miss my Papa. Horribly. It’s weird. I mean, I only got to see him a couple times each year before, but I already miss him so so much. So many small things remind me of him. I have a blanket that I kept from the Hospice House and another one of Papa's blankets. They are folded together in my closet, and when I am sad I curl up in my bed with them, and cry. They are all I have left of my Papa. Blankets and memories. Sunday I transplanted a plant in a small pot from his funeral into a beautiful, larger pot. It was much more emotional than I thought it would be. I am a crier. Everyone knows that. Now, my neighbors probably do too, as I sat in my driveway with a bag of soil and a plant, crying with every scoop. I wish there was somewhere I could go... to mourn... to remember. I have looked for a nice memorial park, or memorial garden... but none are fitting. I even went to a local cemetery, hoping to find a bench in a flower garden... nothing. It's just hard. And just when it starts to get easier, it gets harder.

Kidney Stones???

Yes. Kidney stones. I have kidney stones. After two trips to the hospital and one to the doctor, I do not have a bladder infection. I do not have a kidney infection. I do not have a kidney disorder. I have kidney stones. And a hernia. A belly button hernia. Crazy? I know! It's been rough, but I imagine it could be much worse. I'll spare the details.

We've been super busy too, we went to Kansas City (well, outside Kansas city-- Whiteman Air force Base) with my mom and Uncle Bill for an airshow. It was H-O-T but fun!

School is crazy, I fell like I am always playing catch up with homework... and never caught up. Ahhh, and I want to take 2 additional credits next semester??? What am I thinking?? I'm starting to think on-campus classes might be in order soon.

Alyssa had her post-op checkup on Monday. Her left eye is a little off, less than a millimeter and not enough to require an additional surgery. Her eyes also cross a little without glasses, but the ophthalmologist says its because she is farsighted, and its no longer a muscle issue. Hopefully she grows out of her farsightedness!

Both kids got a flu-mist and one shot today. What was I thinking taking them to the doctor together for this??!!! Alyssa did okay with the mist, not the shot... you would have thought they cut her leg off! I had her go fist because I thought she would freak out seeing Zack cry from a shot. Well, Zack is no better. He plugged his nose, refusing the flu-mist. Made me so sad, he had to be forced to lay down... have it shot up his nose, and then screamed/cried "Please don't stick me with the shot!!!!" Oh my goodness, my heart broke like he was a baby again! I so wanted to tell her forget the shot! My poor baby!!! Within three minutes they were both in the waiting room going through stickers for suffering through a mist and shot so (un)bravely.

This weekend we are going to Kansas City (again). For the Nascar race this time! We went last year and had a blast. I never liked Nascar before I met Chris. It really annoyed me. Lap after lap, I thought... WHO WATCHES THIS??? Well, after four years... its growing on me. I originally picked my favorite drivers... #18, Kyle Busch-- simply because he drove the M&M car!! Lame reason, I know. But I've stuck to it, and he really isn't half bad! My other favorite is #88, Dale Jr. Duh. Boy has he let me down though!!!! Anyhow look for me on the Speed Channel, or watch the race on FOX this weekend, I'll be there!!

There's about to be a sad post, right after this one. I am sorry for the depressing tone... but I needed to talk about it today, too.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

What happened to Summer???

WOW, it’s been a while, huh?

Let’s see…. It’s September and the last you heard from me was in May, right before Alyssa’s surgery, right after the Endocrinologist saga. The surgery went well. Alyssa has her follow up appointment later this month to see if she still needs glasses or any additional treatment.
After her surgery I got these really crazy scary headaches. At one point I was told I possible had an aneurysm. Then some type of seizures. Then some type of unexplained headache/migraine. My sister & her friend Laura visited in June, and my dad a few weeks later. They were so much help and comfort.

So... that’s June & July. August? Horrible. I got the trip to Texas a begged for since last year, but it didn’t go nearly as planned. My Papa had a few more strokes the week before my visit and was deemed terminal by his doctors as the damages were irreversible. Doctors said he could have days, weeks, or up to two years to live, but it was now a losing battle. They worked with my dad to set up home hospice care. While awaiting the setup at home, he was transferred to a Hospice House in Burleson, Texas. The day after his arrival, the nurses found him completely unresponsive to stimulus and let us know it was time to allow our family to say goodbye to him and prepare for his death. Man, that was hard. I stayed five days and four nights at the hospice house with Pam, my sister, brother and Dad. Absolutely the five hardest days of my life. Papa went home to Heaven on Sunday, August 15th, the day before my 25th birthday. I was so thankful to be able to spend his last days by his side, but so sad to let him go. Papa’s funeral was Tuesday, August 17th-- the day after my birthday. He has a pocket full of peppermints from me, Cheryl, Katherine and Ronnie & a personalized belt that matches my Dad’s (one reads “Daddy”, the other “Ronnie”). I miss him tons. I keep finding small, sometimes funny, always sweet reminders of Papa. Ice cream Saturdays, fresh honey, duct tape. <3
When we got back to Bellevue, the kids started school (almost a week late). They love it. Zack rides the bus to kindergarten and Alyssa is in a morning pre-school class. They both love it. Its bittersweet watching them grow.

I’ve done my own calculations and should graduate next winter, of the following spring at the latest. I just began this semester/quarter with 12 credits instead of the usual nine. The workload is pretty intense, but I’m sure I’ll do fine once I kick it in gear. Well, I’ve been trying to get it in gear all year… but I am SUCH a procrastinator!!!

Hopefully I am back before the next 3-4 months. I am sure I have left out some much-needed-to-share-info, and will be back soon!