Please DON'T leave a message at the tone...

I hate voicemail. Seriously. I wish I didn't even have it on my phone. I never check it. Ok, I do... but very, very rarely. Probably once a month, or when people start telling me my voicemail inbox is full. I wonder if I can remove the voicemail feature through Verizon? Hmm... But seriously... I am not surprised or newly educated on anything by checking my voicemail. Usually I get voicemails weeks after their original recording, and I haven't missed a thing. You call back, you email, you text, you Facebook. But I don't miss out on anything by not checking it in a "timely" manner.

Papa

I miss my Papa. Horribly. It’s weird. I mean, I only got to see him a couple times each year before, but I already miss him so so much. So many small things remind me of him. I have a blanket that I kept from the Hospice House and another one of Papa's blankets. They are folded together in my closet, and when I am sad I curl up in my bed with them, and cry. They are all I have left of my Papa. Blankets and memories. Sunday I transplanted a plant in a small pot from his funeral into a beautiful, larger pot. It was much more emotional than I thought it would be. I am a crier. Everyone knows that. Now, my neighbors probably do too, as I sat in my driveway with a bag of soil and a plant, crying with every scoop. I wish there was somewhere I could go... to mourn... to remember. I have looked for a nice memorial park, or memorial garden... but none are fitting. I even went to a local cemetery, hoping to find a bench in a flower garden... nothing. It's just hard. And just when it starts to get easier, it gets harder.

Kidney Stones???

Yes. Kidney stones. I have kidney stones. After two trips to the hospital and one to the doctor, I do not have a bladder infection. I do not have a kidney infection. I do not have a kidney disorder. I have kidney stones. And a hernia. A belly button hernia. Crazy? I know! It's been rough, but I imagine it could be much worse. I'll spare the details.

We've been super busy too, we went to Kansas City (well, outside Kansas city-- Whiteman Air force Base) with my mom and Uncle Bill for an airshow. It was H-O-T but fun!

School is crazy, I fell like I am always playing catch up with homework... and never caught up. Ahhh, and I want to take 2 additional credits next semester??? What am I thinking?? I'm starting to think on-campus classes might be in order soon.

Alyssa had her post-op checkup on Monday. Her left eye is a little off, less than a millimeter and not enough to require an additional surgery. Her eyes also cross a little without glasses, but the ophthalmologist says its because she is farsighted, and its no longer a muscle issue. Hopefully she grows out of her farsightedness!

Both kids got a flu-mist and one shot today. What was I thinking taking them to the doctor together for this??!!! Alyssa did okay with the mist, not the shot... you would have thought they cut her leg off! I had her go fist because I thought she would freak out seeing Zack cry from a shot. Well, Zack is no better. He plugged his nose, refusing the flu-mist. Made me so sad, he had to be forced to lay down... have it shot up his nose, and then screamed/cried "Please don't stick me with the shot!!!!" Oh my goodness, my heart broke like he was a baby again! I so wanted to tell her forget the shot! My poor baby!!! Within three minutes they were both in the waiting room going through stickers for suffering through a mist and shot so (un)bravely.

This weekend we are going to Kansas City (again). For the Nascar race this time! We went last year and had a blast. I never liked Nascar before I met Chris. It really annoyed me. Lap after lap, I thought... WHO WATCHES THIS??? Well, after four years... its growing on me. I originally picked my favorite drivers... #18, Kyle Busch-- simply because he drove the M&M car!! Lame reason, I know. But I've stuck to it, and he really isn't half bad! My other favorite is #88, Dale Jr. Duh. Boy has he let me down though!!!! Anyhow look for me on the Speed Channel, or watch the race on FOX this weekend, I'll be there!!

There's about to be a sad post, right after this one. I am sorry for the depressing tone... but I needed to talk about it today, too.

What happened to Summer???

WOW, it’s been a while, huh?

Let’s see…. It’s September and the last you heard from me was in May, right before Alyssa’s surgery, right after the Endocrinologist saga. The surgery went well. Alyssa has her follow up appointment later this month to see if she still needs glasses or any additional treatment.
After her surgery I got these really crazy scary headaches. At one point I was told I possible had an aneurysm. Then some type of seizures. Then some type of unexplained headache/migraine. My sister & her friend Laura visited in June, and my dad a few weeks later. They were so much help and comfort.

So... that’s June & July. August? Horrible. I got the trip to Texas a begged for since last year, but it didn’t go nearly as planned. My Papa had a few more strokes the week before my visit and was deemed terminal by his doctors as the damages were irreversible. Doctors said he could have days, weeks, or up to two years to live, but it was now a losing battle. They worked with my dad to set up home hospice care. While awaiting the setup at home, he was transferred to a Hospice House in Burleson, Texas. The day after his arrival, the nurses found him completely unresponsive to stimulus and let us know it was time to allow our family to say goodbye to him and prepare for his death. Man, that was hard. I stayed five days and four nights at the hospice house with Pam, my sister, brother and Dad. Absolutely the five hardest days of my life. Papa went home to Heaven on Sunday, August 15th, the day before my 25th birthday. I was so thankful to be able to spend his last days by his side, but so sad to let him go. Papa’s funeral was Tuesday, August 17th-- the day after my birthday. He has a pocket full of peppermints from me, Cheryl, Katherine and Ronnie & a personalized belt that matches my Dad’s (one reads “Daddy”, the other “Ronnie”). I miss him tons. I keep finding small, sometimes funny, always sweet reminders of Papa. Ice cream Saturdays, fresh honey, duct tape. <3
When we got back to Bellevue, the kids started school (almost a week late). They love it. Zack rides the bus to kindergarten and Alyssa is in a morning pre-school class. They both love it. Its bittersweet watching them grow.

I’ve done my own calculations and should graduate next winter, of the following spring at the latest. I just began this semester/quarter with 12 credits instead of the usual nine. The workload is pretty intense, but I’m sure I’ll do fine once I kick it in gear. Well, I’ve been trying to get it in gear all year… but I am SUCH a procrastinator!!!

Hopefully I am back before the next 3-4 months. I am sure I have left out some much-needed-to-share-info, and will be back soon!

Really?

It's been two weeks already?? No way! We've got a lot of catching up to do! Lets see... Alyssa is having Eye Surgery in three weeks at Children's Hospital & Medical Center in Omaha. I absolutely love her Ophthalmologist, and for once, Alyssa doesn't seem to mind seeing him all that much either. He explained the surgery to me, and took extra time to talk to Alyssa about it. When he was finished he asked if she had any questions for him, to which she replies "Can I have candy now?" LOL My little baby :)
Little... that's a whole other story. Alyssa had some blood tests done a couple weeks ago, right before we went to Michigan, actually. Her pediatrician called to discuss the results. There was an issue with her thyroid, a growth hormone deficiency, and from the x-ray of her hand, it's been noted that she has the bone maturity of a two and a half year old. Needless to say, we were referred to an Endocrinologist. So we went. The doctor lacked severely in bedside manner. He was clueless why we were in his office. He had no idea Alyssa has already had lab work done. And even after looking over the lab results said nothing was out of the ordinary, he'd measure her again in six months. NOTHING WRONG??? Even after acknowledging her bone maturity is a year and a half behind her age!!?? I spoke with Alyssa's pediatrician who has referred us to a different Endocrinologist, we'll return in three months.
Zackary's had some pretty bad headaches for a little over a month. Took him to the doctor on Monday too, he may have growth or pressure headaches (?) or even migraines. The medicine he was prescribed to prevent them seems to be helping. On the upside, Zack finally got registered for t-ball. His first practice was yesterday. I won't lie, and tell you it went great, or how much fun we had, but he did hold it together much better than any of his practices last year! T-ball last year was a nightmare.
I almost forgot... we bought a BOAT! That's right, a boat! It's no yacht, but its in good shape, and its FAST. We took it tubing earlier this week at Lake Manawa in Council Bluffs, IA... my shoulders are still sore! We're planning a trip to Texas in August, and hopefully we can swing a camping trip to Lake Texoma at one end of it. Wish me luck in convincing family to accompany us. :)
I'm almost down to my last week of this semester/quarter. I'm in week 11 of 12. Thank goodness! I think its safe to say I passed all of my classes, but I've definitely got to hang tighter next semester. I'm such a procrastinator, its soooo awful!!

Blind as a bat!

My Alyssa... sweet girl. She has these prisms on her glasses, and is finally adjusting to them. The first few days were a mix of comical, and sadness. She hated the glasses, and whoever tried ot put them on her face. She just cried... one of the saddest cries I've ever seen when she had to wear them. She couldn't see. She bumped into walls, knocked over cups trying to get a drink. She would reach for her silver wear at dinner, and not even touch it. These "prisms", are like some crazy version of 3-D meets quadruple-vision lens mix. Looking through them makes me feel like I just stepped of the "Gravitron" ride a t a carnival! She has adjusted to them quite well over the past couple days, we're just hoping to find the right prism fast, to get this whole thing behind us!

Alyssa's birthday party was yesterday. A small one. Probably the most relaxed I have ever been for one of their parties, I may opt to keep them this way in the future. It was pretty simple--hot dogs, cake, gifts and a playground.

We're about to take a trip to Michigan. I'm behind as ever on homework. I've got to finish last weeks (its not due until midnight), then do this weeks... and then next week's because we probably won't have internet connection where we'll be staying. Honestly, this trip isn't the most exciting thing in the world to me. Not my home. Not my family. Not my friends. But it's not a totally bad thing either, and Chris has endured many trips to Texas with a smile on his face. I owe him this one :). Hopefully I can find some fun (cheap) things to do with the kids while Chris and his family do all the moving... which is why we are making this trip.

Zack will miss his last week of school for the Michigan shin-dig. I didn't realize this until last week. It makes me kinda sad that he doesn't get to say bye to all his friends... I mean I'm sure he'll say bye... but a bunch of 4-5 year olds don't realize when he says bye on Friday-- he won't be coming back on Monday. He'll also be going to a different school next year, so he won't see most of them next year.

BTW... today is Mother's Day, it's 4pm, and NO ONE in my house has murmured a "Happy Mother's Day." I'll cut Chris a break since he's working though. I told Zack and Alyssa is was Sunday-- Mother's Day. They could care less, Alyssa has new toys to be played with.

One more thing... my ice maker--it has a mind of it's own. It either refuses to make ice for weeks at a time, or, like now, it will not stop! The bin is overflowing, and ice is everywhere! I could easily turn it off, but we'll forget to turn it back on, and be in the opposite situation, dying for ice in three days, and of course by then, the dang thing will refuse to produce any ice.

My VERY FIRST Blog!!!!

Woohooo!!!! Its my very first post on my very first blog!
I realized I NEEDED this today, when I began en extra long "status update" for Facebook. I realized I really do have more to say than any person in their right mind would want to hear. So, for anyone who just may be outside their mind, you can read it all here. My rablings.

This blog starts the day after Alyssa's birthday, who just turned four by the way. FOUR. I cannot believe my baby is getting so big. Well, actually she's not. I took her to the doctor today, and again... shes not gaining, and has actually lost, weight. This has been an ongoing concern/battle for a while. She'll be having some tests done at Children's Hospital in Omaha this Friday.

She also had an Ophthalmologist (which I did not know how to spell correctly until about two months ago) appointment this afternoon. She needs eye surgery. The doctor prescribed "prisms", little sticker like things that go on her glasses lense. Supposedly these will help the doctor in making surgical preparations. She HATES them, and has managed to peel them off, just before bed. What to do?"

I'm tired... and have a horrible heatburn... and Chris just got home from work... consider this your saving grace of what would have been a much longer very first blog ramble. :) Until tomorrow....